Teaching My Son to Love Justin Bieber

All of my kids love Justin Bieber - and would gladly tell anyone about it; at least until recently.  Something sad - and certainly not uncommon - has happened to Curious Boy recently.  At his last birthday party, the subject of JB came up.  My daughters, and the one other girl there had no problem saying that they like (or loved) Justin - although the 7 year old friend has "moved on" to One Direction.  The rest of the gang (boys) were quick to say that JB sucked, or to make gross faces.  Curious Boy held his tongue.  I noticed what was going on, and I made point to be vocal about the fact that I like Justin Bieber's music.

Quick aside:  I do like Justin Bieber.  I grew up listening to Doo-Wop, Motown, the Beatles and other melodic pop.  I'm not saying that JB is John Lennon, but I have a soft spot for catchy pop tunes.  On top of that, since I saw the movie "Never Say Never", I have a lot of respect for him and his family.

Now, back to my main point.  Since then, CB has been very anti-Justin.  He makes faces when there's a Bieber song on the radio; he won't watch "Never Say Never" with his sisters.

It's easy to see where these boys get the idea that they've got to hate Justin. I was at a party recently where the subject of music came up, and my friends - all fathers of young boys - were also quick to slam Bieber.  Even going so far as to say that they would "shoot him in the face" if he were standing there.  Admittedly, this conversation was under the influence of a few bottles of wine.  This sentiment, however, is surely expressed at home - and not only about Justin Bieber.

It's time to be brutally honest.   This kind of exaggerated loathing of a pop star (we're not talking about Mahmoud Amedinejad here) is nothing but thinly veiled homophobia.  Justin Bieber exemplifies many qualities that are traditionally considered feminine in our society.  He has a slight build.  He cares about his hair and clothes.  He talks about love and caring.  Many men worry that expressing that side of themselves will make them less of a man - maybe even (gasp) gay.  You don't have to like his music - but that kind of vitriol is unaccptable, and spreads to our children.

Making it acceptable to hate on JB in your house, teaches your kids to dislike people based on appearance and perception - without even knowing them.  Attaching derogatory names objectifies them and makes them less than human.  This is the direct precursor to intolerance.

I hope that CB comes around about Justin Bieber.  I'll be far more concerned if he starts listening to Flo Rida or some other macho crap.

For more information of language and intolerance, check out Barbara Coloroso.

Alternadad - A load of sh*t?

CBC.CA has a scathing look at the new urban parent concept, taking a stab a Neil Pollack, Elisha Cooper and Babble.com.

Pollack’s new book, Alternadad, chronicles the first four years of Elijah’s life, which began in Austin, Tex., before the family moved to its current home in Los Angeles. Pollack writes about the boy’s nail-biting delivery, which ended with the doctor admonishing Pollack, “It was the most harrowing birth I’ve ever presided over. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Other highlights: a verbal scrap Pollack had with his parents over circumcision; Elijah’s first gymnastics class; and the day the little biter was turfed from day care. But Alternadad is less a compendium of vignettes than a manifesto for a specific type of parenting.

I find myself agreeing with the author quite a bit. Most articles on Babble.com make me chuckle, but they never really do more than scratch the surface. We are a self-obsessed generation, and in the face of a very selfless duty, many struggle to find some balance.

People used to raise kids with a sort of quiet stoicism; the fact that humans have been reproducing for millions of years was enough to humble any new breeder. But in this era of unfettered narcissism, child rearing has become a spectacle. The tabloids stalk famous females in search of a “bump” to monopolize the news cycle; Tom Cruise buys his pregnant wife a $200,000 US ultrasound machine for home use; and Oprah exalts celebrity mothers as though having a child is as novel and courageous as space travel. And non-celebs? They bloviate in blogs.

The author has little patience for the the endless drivel about passing on cool tastes in music as well. Making sure that your kid's playlist has been vetted by Pitchfork.com does seem stupid - and I don't think that it has anything to do with your kid at all. Kids like to listen to what their parents listen to. Our guy loves Raffi, sure. But he loves Ella, Tony Bennet, OutKast, Kanye, James, U2 and Mozart. So what. That is the music that is always on in our house so he's used to it. I find Ramones onesies vaguely disturbing ("Beat on the Brat" anyone?)

Look. I hate the idea that most of who I was is gone, and that most of who I am is defined by a how much my kid slept last night. Tough shit. Parenting is not cool. It's hard. My kid pushes my buttons, pushes my limits and pushes me to recognize that I love him in a way I never imagined before I became a parent. How lame is that.

Pollack and his ilk have undertaken a dubious task: to make parenting
seem cool. Alas, there’s nothing cool about arriving at a party in a
shirt flecked with milky drool. Parenting advice is a lot more useful
when it shrugs off the hipster yoke and embraces child rearing as the
messy, demanding yet enriching job that it is.

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